We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
