she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
