You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
