she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
