I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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