talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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