Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just threw up on my dentist
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
