WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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