I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
