It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
