I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
