the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
