Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
