1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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