i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
