I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
