yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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