Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
