No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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