is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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