I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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