I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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