WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
