i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The Olympian is in my bed
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