There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
