I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
