I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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