I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
