were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
