It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
be right there i have to get my cape
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
