Ambien. No doubt about it.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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