...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The uberlube is also flammable
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
