how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I would fuck him just for his dog
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
