He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
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