i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
