JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
