I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
