OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
