Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
