Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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