and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
