So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
