I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
