sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
