just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
