chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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