dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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