the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
