Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
is that a dick in a sweater?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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