I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
