Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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