How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize
